I teared up.

I guess I couldn’t control myself. Losing a girl I really like and come to love. It came so suddenly. Her question makes me skip a heartbeat, and I all I could do is to tell her that I really have come to love her. But, distance is a shitty factor of why our relationship never seemed to work. I wanna be with her, yes. I wanna hug and hold her hand, yes. I wanna kiss her whenever I get the chance to do so, yes. I wanna spend time with her all day long and call her up all night long, yes.

She said she’s confused. She wants a break up from me but she can’t seem to let me go either. She wants her honey to hold her cause she feels so lonely whenever her honey is not around. How can I be around when I’m way over here and she’s way over there. We said we could make this work, but we couldn’t. It’s not that we’re not faithful to each other. I guess sometimes the feelings wear off easily with this distance. The only time when the feeling’s oh-so-high is when we call each other up and text each other.

I love her. Yes. I love her. But now she just want to be friends. It’s hard for me to accept that. She said she can’t trust herself to be faithful to me because the distance is taking its toll on her. I want to say no. I want to continue being in a relationship with her, but what can I do? I feel so numb and helpless. I can’t stop thinking now.

It hurts so much inside. I felt weak thinking on the idea of letting her go. How the hell am I gonna deal with this? Faking happy faces but silently having a broken heart inside. No, I rather not talk about it with people. I don’t wanna tell the whole story over and over again. This is as far as anyone can know about it. Am I starting over? I don’t know. I’m not ready.

Break-ups.

Feeling down and sad, feeling empty and mad.

Hiatus. will end.

I’ll be updating this blog soon!! Sorry for the long delay!

Quarantined

Well, I won’t put too much words into this post as I am sleepy now. And Yes. This post must be completed in 10 minutes time. No recheck, No re-edit, just 10-minutes of no backspaces and highlighting any lines or words.

So, straight to the point. Ironically, I’ve been quarantined in Duyung block after my roomate got back from quarantine. By this, I mean, Fli was quarantine at Duyung last Thursday and was released on Sunday. The next day, I was feeling hot and in terribly warm all over my body. Yes. It seems that I have caught the fever.

I know I could be infectious to many people, mum even approved, I went on to the UTP clinic after lunch with Fli, Syahmi and Nuge. When I got inside the doctor’s office, the doctor measured my temperature and it was so effing high. 38.8 degree Celcius. Hell, I was literally hot. Then, the doctor start questioning me of my whereabouts and doings. She came to the question how is my roomate feeling? I said to her that my roomate is still recovering from his coughs and I slipped out words that would me feel so guilty after that. I said to her “My roomate just came out of the quarantine yesterday”.

Then the drama starts. The doctor was sighing and moaning “Oh no, dear, this is bad. Oh my God. Who is your roomate?” I brought her out of the room and pointed my roomate, and then she instructed her helpers to check on Fli’s record. Haih. While there were doing that, she asked me whether or not I wanna be quarantined or not. I told her, if you think I should be quarantined, then better put me in there because I don’t wanna put my friends at risk. After that, she called upon her helpers again and scolded them. “This is what happens when you discharge someone but didn’t give proper direction for them. Mana boleh discharge dia pergi bilik bila kawan dia tak balik. Tengok kes ni, Budak ni sihat, tapi kawan dia balik dari quarantine saja, the next morning, he was sick.” “Siapa doktor yang discharge budak Fleron tu?”

Fli was called into the office while I waited outside with Mi and Nuge, telling them I’ve been quarantined. Not long after that, Fli was instructed to put on the oxygen mask and inhale. I overheard the doctor telling her helpers that she’s putting two people in Quarantine, me and Fli. Sigh. I was so down when I know Fli got back in the zone because he did spent 4 freaking days there and just because of what I said, he was put back into it. But, it was the doctor’s fault actually. They didn’t discharge him properly. Hmm.

According to Fli, the female doctor was scolding at him because she thought Fli escaped the quarantine zone before and infected other. Fli said he was pretty angered with the doctor and his heart was beating so fast due to adrenaline. The doctor talked so much until Fli abruptedly pointed out to her at the card the word “Discharged”. Dengan penuh kekoyakan, the doctor was apologizing to him. But, insisted on checking Fli. She said he have asthma. Huh? And he had to be put back into the quarantine because he was infecting others. Sigh.

ANYWAY. After the drama, I did apologize to Fli and we were back as a team. Hehe. I’m pretty stressed up whenever I feel guilty towards my actions especially those that affected my best friend. And Fli is like my ultimate best friend slash roomie, so I was pretty stressed up. But, what do you know, arriving at the Duyung block, the supervisor(Mr Anas) pointed us to a room, and asked us to write our names on the paper on the door. What do you know, we’re roomates!, even in the quarantine zone. Hahaha.

Big Thank You to all my friend who helped sorted out our things and packed them and delivering them to Duyung. So, BIG SHOUT OUT TO SYAHMI AND NUGE, yang memang ultimate best friends juga, sebab sanggup turun padang, naik basikal and hantar barang2 kami. Huhu. More props to Syahmi for willing to cycle alone! and deliver salt and snack to us!! We know how u are always scared of being raped. Haha. Thanks2.

Hrm.

So, how’s Duyung? Erm, actually, it doesn’t even feel like you’re being quarantined especially when you’re in the room. I’m saying that this feels just like the room we have in V1, but only V1 have better view, cuz the room we got here had the view of a loji. eww. Fli said that he was bored to death when he was here last week because there was no human to talked with. We’re roomies, so you can guess how much we talk inside the room. Well, at least we got our laptops and our roomies to make this stay short.

Oh, wait. We got Mark Alex with us too! haha. But, he’ll be discharge soon. But still, he’s a great company also! Hehe.

The food is not that great actually despite them being free. It’s always oily and those freaking oil won’t help me recover my sore throat! Haha. Thank God for the salt! Hehehe.

Hmm. I guess that’s it. I’mma go to sleep and wake up to finish up the ANTM marathon. Ahaha. Nitez peeps. Pray for us. =D appreciate it so much!

* I wanted to upload pictures, but the shitty wireless here is terribly slow. Huhu. Nnt la ya*

PS: I’m sorry that I didn’t report much of the gayness that happened in the room. Cuz it didn’t happen!! or did it? hahahahaha

Situation : Helpless

Seriously. I can find no other words to describe whatever’s been going on around me. Everywhere there’s someone immersed in a helpless situation. Being a bystander, you could do nothing else, except for giving moral support, which translate again, into helpless bystander. Tell me, what do you do when your friends are hoping for you to say something that could ease their pain, or hoping you could work up some magic to get their hands out of the dirt, when you can’t even do a single thing?

Sigh.

I’m now in UTP. Well, of course I am. I chose not to go back or to exit this premise even after being declared close by the Health Ministry. Why? Well, I could list up a couple of things. First, where do I go anyway? Back to KK? Hmm, no money to buy the ticket, and no, parents’ money is a no-no. Daddy’s place? Well, initially I wanted to go there, but I hate the fuss of buying ticket at the last minute and to pack up my things urgently. Secondly, my best friend and beloved roomate is still quarantined at Duyung. I know even if I stay in UTP, I won’t get to see him until he’s fine enough to be released, but, at least he know’s he’s not alone in UTP. I know how it hurts to be left alone.

Argh. I’m still kinda puzzled how the disease spread like water flowing into a space. It’s damn fast. The prevention measure was too little too late. I’m not putting the total blame on the University, even with the prevention measure being circled around campus, people still won’t practice it. Some, even go to the extend of refusing to do a check up at the clinic because of their fear of being quarantined, hence, putting the people around them in more serious danger of occupying the same disease. Disgusting behaviour.

Yes. My roomie is at Duyung now being quarantined. He’s getting better, only having minor cough left. Mind you, he’s not positive H1N1. He’s just being quarantined because he has the symptoms of it, but he don’t have the disease. I don’t know if I’m acting paranoid or what, but, I’m feeling kinda sick now. Having a sudden fever and headache. Sigh. I will pray though, worry not about that. I bet it’s just the unpredictable weather and sickening atmosphere here in UTP.

I guess we’re gonna be stuck here until the Uni re-open next Friday. We can’t even rent a car and go out since the gate has been locked, I think. So, dota, makan, tidur, gitar and probably some sports are the only activity we’ll be doing here. The sports complex has been closed down temporarily. Can you imagine our agony?!

Huhu. Nuzul and Jimi is also sick now, huhu. I hope they get fine soon, along with Fli. God, help us.

I want things to get back to normal. Please.

People, cheer me up please.

Updates

COMING SOON!!!

HoHO… STE was super duper cool for me.. gonna put pix soon. hopefully..

Now gonna get a haircut. hahahaha.

Visit back soon people!!

Too much perhaps?

I was bored as hell last night and I was gonna blog until my friend jejom-ed me for DoTa. Hahaha. While YM-ing with my friends last night, a thought came across my mind. If I spoke too much with them, won’t they be bored of me? So, the inner-self began talking and conversing with the inner-mind.

Inner-self goes first :
“You’ve been with them long enough
to let them know who you really are, don’t sweat it,
they’re there cause they accepted you for who you are already.

Then came the reply from the inner-mind :
“Yeah, I know that, but, they have come to accept me
but I’m just curious whether or not
they will eventually be bored of me. Hehe.”

So, I kinda held back there for a second, not wanting to talk much with my cliques. I was typing simple replies and lessen the Hahaha word-usage. Haha. But, I couldn’t contain myself any longer so I burst-out into this chat-maniac, typing rapidly and replying almost instantly to every chat box. Hahaha. I guess, you can’t really change who you are. I like my inner-self better than my inner-mind. Inner-self is the one who speaks from the box of my heart. Inner-mind is from the brain but, he’s not that smart. Hahahaha. Apa ba sia merepek ni.

Anyway, I break my own words of updating this blog again, just because I’m super bored here.

3 more days in KK for this term. I have to have a license by next holiday. Warming up the couch every day has warmed-up the arse to be big as well. Hahaha. Haih. Anyway, that’s all for today.

Random thought of the day : hohoho. Some one called home this morning, and I picked up the phone. She talked in Kadazan and I was like so blur cuz I just woke up. But then I remembered, hey, I know this language. Haha. I understood what she said and wala! I was replying her in Kadazan also, fluently lagi tu. Hahaha. Well, I’m kinda proud. Haha. Usually I’d reply in Malay but Nu-uh! I did good. Haha. Excellent way to kick-off this day!

p/s : Baju berkolar x cukup. Terpaksa beli untuk STE and Undergrade. Wahhh

I’m Yours.

Hey Guys! Hahahaha. I know I said I won’t be updating until some time after my STE, but, just wanna say here, I’ve uploaded a new video to my Youtube Channel. Hahahaha. I won’t give outthe link here. If you wanna see it, find it. Hahaha.

It’s kinda obvious in my blog. There’s a link somewhere. Lol. Rate & Comments Appreciated. hehe.

Thanks!

Panat ni kaki sia.

Hahahaha. ya!! I’m super tired. Anyway, I’m not in the blogging mood just yet. I think I won’t be blogging until the end of my STE. So, await my post ya! hehe..

Anyway,

Thanks loads to Nuge for always willing to send and fetch me home. Hahahaha. Don’t worry Nuge, sia blanja ko nnt! and sia simpan rahsia handphone tu. =)

Thanks ma org2 bofot jua, cuz sanggup tunggu orang KK. Sabar ya Bofotian. wahahaha.

Thanks ma org Ranau, sanggup jalan ma blanja sia lagi tu.. Wahahaha..

Thanks to Sammi, Anus, Hakim, Carmen, and Mort, for that night. I gainedd 2kg kali from dat. Shoot. Good Luck Sammi! I’m ony a message away ya, if you need a friend. Hehe. Oh, Thanks Anus for sending me home. Hahahaha. Thanks Mor cuz blanja Shisha.

Thanks to Melyn and Hakim for taking the sijil with me. Hahaha. Thanks Tcher Rainul cuz blanja us makan. Hahaha.

One more week left in this holiday in KK. Sedih. But, gonna make the best out of it! Guys, Kluar lae kita one more time! Hahahaha..

Await my next post! Chow.

Finally back~

Ha! Finally back to Sabah. Woo. hahaha. I know the feeling don’t last long, but let’s make the best of it while it last. Hehehe.

Argh. Where do I start this time? Hmmm. Well, let me start with an apology. I’m sorry for neglecting the blog for a month already! I’ve really been so busy with my studies and my final exam last month. Life was pretty much hectic during those time and heck I’ve no time for the blog. I don’t even have time to blog surf at that time. So, SORRY TO YOU PEOPLE!!

Anyway, let me trace back what happened since the last time I updated this sphere. Hmm. I guess I was busy with my studies primarily. All lectures were done up until the study week, except for darn Economics. Hish. Anyway, got all the coursework marks at the last minute, and I’m super proud of myself this semester! Not to brag, but, hey, my blog, my talk, just read. Hahaha! All my coursework marks are above 50, except for darn Economics(which came close to 50).

I finished up the ipsp group quiz for my group, with major help from Mel, ahaha! and we actually presented in front of Mr Azhan for the Economic projects. Woo~ I stuttered a bit in the presentation, cuz I couldn’t wait for the slides. Haha! But managed to grabbed my momentum back. Thank God I practised. Hahaha. Fli, Izzah, Uyun and Hafsah did fantastic! They didn’t even stutter. Damn. Hahaha. I was the slacker but I still believe we were one of the best. Wahaha.

Izzah, Uyun, Hafsah, Me, Fli

yeah2

Hehehe. After the presentation, Hafsah blanja me, Fli and Izzah at V3. Woo hoo! Thx Hafsah! Ko baik~ Izzah tu, tak pandai take advantage opportunity. Wahaha. Jangan marah Izzah. Ko blanje sia next time ek! Woo! Anyway, after the presentation, all were done and finally we got focus for the final exam. The study week began finally. I spent most of my days studying Econs, Maths and IBIS. When I got bored of studying, I either went to sleep, eat or sports in between studies. Fuh. And the exams finally commenced.

Maths was first. I was super scared cuz my test 2 wasn’t that convincing. Thankfully, the night before, I did some past year question with my gang. It paid off. Thanks to Engineering people also for helping out with Integration. Hehe. My roomie, Nuge, Alex, Jai and Aspal for helping us out that night. Then the next paper was darn Economics.  Ugh. I finished the paper, feeling good, since I managed to finish it. Damn. But when I got back to the hostel, I realized I did something wrong and lost about 20 marks already. Damn. Haih. Was so stressed up. Thankfully, those good people comforted me and we played Dota, even with IBIS exam tomorrow. Hahaha!

So, second day was fine. I finished the IBIS exam earlier than I thought, being the 3rd person to walk out of the hall(Chewah, mengira tol). Then, we had a one day break. Preparation for English only took us about 2 hours to tell the short stories to each other. After feeling bored and quite confident, hahaha, we were off to a DoTa game. Gila kan? Haha. The last paper, we did more past year question and finished up the semester with the paper. I was free! I went out of the hall feeling so alive. Hahaha. Then, after the exam, the ICT/BIS student took many group picture. Haha. Was suprised that there wasn’t one with my face in it. Sigh. Hahaha. Nevermind la. I still love the people =)

Ha!

So, what next?

After the exam, the next big thing was us going out to Ipoh again. Haha. We played ping pong, Bowling and snooker. Well, that was quite boring. hahaha. But, the next day, only me, Fli, Jai and Syahmi, Jimi left in village 1 (well, excluding other people outside the clique la). So, we went out, except Jimo, cuz he was out somewhere else, we went to IP to eat sushi. Punya mahal tp, kenyang! Then, we went round the floor and stumbled across saloons. We (me and Fli and Nuge) talked about wanting to dye our hair. Well, a lady greeted us outside her saloon and helped us made our decision. We decided to do it. Fli wanted a full head dye and his hair turned out awesome. he looked like a foreigner! Hahaha. Sudahlah hensem, muka putih2 ckit, nah, tmbh hensem la. Hahaha. I decided to highlight my hair brown. And I was happy with the result. hahaha. Pilak pun pilak la, maka, Sia pilak yg hensem =P. Jai also decided to go for a haircut and a highlight. His hair looked somewhat like the one he pointed out of the magazine but the colour was a bit dark. Haha.

Just showcasing my hair. Hahahaha

Then, we went back and packed and finally tomorrow came! Woo hoo! We went to Gopeng and parted there. After 6 hours, I arrived at Kuantan, and met Daddy with his new car. Hahaha. Spacious and nice. Woo. hahaha. Well, after being there for 4 days, all I can say is, Kuantan is peaceful, and boring, but, the excitement lies in the food i suppose. hahahaha. No offense Kuantan people. Then, the rest of the family came to Kuantan. The food frenzy continued. Hehe. Then, I flew to KLIA and took a bus to LCCT and even begged for RM1 from a stranger. Can you believe that?! After that, met up with Nuge and we played Dota and ate there, met up with Alex and Abuzar and then, the next thing I know, we were back in KK! Woo!!!

Well, I don’t wanna talk much anymore~ Woo! let me enjoy the holiday and try to sum it all up soon! Hehehe.

Can’t wait to get back to UTP, but, can’t wait to enjoy the holiday! hahahaha

Chow people!

Towards the end! – Happy Mummy’s day!

It’s been a while since my last post. I guess when you can’t get a grip of everything here, everything else seems to be left out easily. Again, my blog became one of the those with less priority, so I kinda abandoned it. Haha.

Well, first and foremost, I just wanna give a big shout out to my mummy :

HAPPY MOTHER’s DAY MUMMY!!!

Nanti lah sia balik KK then blanja u makan k mummY! xda present this year. Jauh bo gia. Hehe.

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Okay, Moving on. Huhu. I didn’t go to church today. Didn’t know there wasn’t gonna be any bus provided today, probably cuz the Undergrads are having their exam next week. (Funny, churches are always crowded in KK during exam season). Nevermind, I’m going to church next week no matter at what cost. If they don’t want to go, I’ll rent a car and ask a friend to drive me there. Haha.

Ho yeah. This time around, I’m aiming for a good 4 flat. Haha. Boleh ka? I don’t know. It just seem so possible this sem. So far, my test 1 marks are convincing, my coursework marks are turning out pretty good I guess, and although test 2 are kinda hard, I hope I score at least 75% of all paper. Really working towards straight aces for this finals.

Maybe I’m getting hopeful because of my commitments this sem. My econs group members – Fli, Hafsah, Uyun, Izzah, are all super hardworking people with great minds attached to their personalities. My econs assignment was particularly hard if we didn’t start early. Thankfully, we did it early and finished early. Hafsah was great as a leader, being diplomatic and all and she seems very efficient in giving out task. Oh, special shout out to my best friend Fli here. Hahaha. Kalau bukan pasal ko, nda jua siap sia punya part. Hahaha. Hafsah bila nak blanja kami ne?? Dah lama tunggu ni Hahaha.

Then, we have this IBIS project and assignment. My team members were Fli, Syahmi, Terry and Yves. The Project was seriously &%#*$@!ing hard if you don’t have any basics of Microsoft Access. The infos inside the book didn’t help much, damn it. Since I started most of the work, I decided to finish it. Thanks a lot to all who helped out especially Gadis(wink2), Lyana, Hafsah, Miaw, Mahsyar, and my team members for doing their best in this project. The only screwed up part was the changing deadline. anger and panicked overcame us and we submitted the unfinished project(actually it’s finished just that we didn’t get the output we wanted). Haih. Anyway, that’s done already so moving on. For the assignment, we had to make a slideshow to make it look like a commercial to promote UTP for the foundation studies. I teamed up with Fli and Syahmi on this one. We went around UTP with Arai’s friend car(Sorry, tak tau sapa nama dia) and we snapped the sceneries with my almost broken digital cam. Hahaha. We took some break and cam-whored a lot. Hahaha. Thanks Nuzul bawa kami naik tu kereta, and for tutoring driving. Hahahahaha. Oh ya, our commercial was nice. Hahaha. But again, we had deadline issues and submitted 1 hour late and got marks deducted. Ish. am pm confusion occured again.

Should I upload the pix? Not now maybe. Maybe later at home when I’m gonna be so bored during the holiday. I’ll do a season recap. Eh. A semester look-back. Hahaha.

Well, I’m gonna have my exams soon. Specifically, in 2 weeks time. Argh! Oh, in fact, I still have one more test paper and one more lab test to go through next week. It’s IPSP, my favourite subject. Haha. Damn. and that quiz ain’t done yet. Study week coming next next week. Please pray for me people. Really aiming high this sem. Hehe.

Oh, minor update, wasted some of the computer loan money on Karpersky 09 antivirus and a printer(which i patak2 bayar with Fli, Syahmi and Nuzul). Long term usage. So, don’t be mad, parents. Oh yeah, my exam period will be from 25th til the 30th June. Argh. After that, I’m gonna go to my dad’s place in Kuantan. Finally got the chance to go there. Haha. But, it still depends on whether I can get there early or not, cuz I’m waiting for the ticket sales in UTP. Hopefully, or else, I’mma have to get to Kuantan in some other way. Haih. Gonna be there until the 6th, and will be flying solo home with Nuzul, and be home alone until the 10th of June. Haha. So, besties in KK, await my home coming!! Hehehe.

I’m so bored.

I gotta get back to the quiz. Oh wait. Maybe later.
I better take my bath and dinner first. Then maybe I can do the quiz. Or should I just Dota tonight? Haha.

Best of luck UTPIANs! especially to my coursemates and whoever la yang know me here in UTP.

Oh, to ICT/BIS student, if you haven’t joined the google group, here’s the link : ICT/BIS 08 google group

Well, that’s it for now. Bye2.