I’ll tell you first hand how a drinking session can make me think about life in a way that the sober me won’t be able to.

I guess I see how it’s easy to rub off the differences you have with someone you despise so much or maybe it’s just a matter of having a good time. That’s just one case. I also thought about how it’s hard to even talk to a person you despise so much even when you’re drinking. Get what I mean?

If you read through my blog you can see that I’m really just a person who talks non-stop about my friends. I don’t know. Somehow I feel that talking about my friends makes me appreciate myself and my life so much more. I can even talk about them longer than what I can talk about my ex.

It upsets me though whenever I experience a broken friendship with friends that I do care about. This is totally different than watching the friendship you have with certain people that you’ve come to despise crumbles. You don’t want people to talk behind your back but if what you are doing to yourself and to others is making others uncomfortable or annoyed, maybe you should changed for the better or just find new cliques.

It’s frustrating to be in the middle of a fight or being the cause of a problem. Don’t you think so? when you said something hurtful accidentally and you get a cold shoulder in return for a whole week or you degraded from being a best friend to just an acquaintance almost in an instance. It’s like you accidentally set a building on fire and the ashes is all that you get. When you try to build a new building, you just know that it’s just not gonna be the same again.

I can only say I wouldn’t wanna be in another fight if I could because I lose almost everything that’s meaningful to me just because I said something hurtful.

Currently, I am happy with my life. Being busy is hectic and tiring, but at the same time, I always have this miraculous thinking of how awesome my life in campus is to be retold later in life. I don’t care how people are gonna judge me about my life. I’m just thankful I get to experience whatever I’ve experienced so far.

Everybody got a mood swing yeah? I’m certainly in the middle right now. Was happy but will be happier =)

People at home, don’t worry about me here, believe me I’m not bragging when I say I can think on my own. I’m almost 20 now and I think I am mature enough to do this and that. If I do blur up and if I ever need some guidance, I’ll know who to find.

Oh, bestnya blog emo2 cam ni time2 bilik gelap and diam. hehe.


Life update.

This is my worst sem ever. period.

Everything’s going wrong on the inside, but people think it’s all right through the exterior. I’ve built up a wall that people can’t break through me. I wanna talk. Talk so long that it’ll wake me up. I just don’t know how to start. I want people to stay interested and break through my walls. I’ve become somebody who only answer when asked, who only ask when required. I’m not this person.

sigh. pressured. too much pressure.

I’m handling it the way I will handle all my problems. Using this will that have stopped me from giving up but this resilience is wearing down on me. I feel so lonely. I havent had a heart-to-heart conversation with anyone for a long time because I’ve seen the way people stared at me when I start to be vulnerable. It’s not pleasing and it made me stop trying to reach out. huhu.

Stop. stop. stop.

This is kinda too private to talk about. Might as well let it out in my private blog. huhu

Word Jab

This week I’ve seen and heard how words people say can leave a deep scar in other people’s heart. It’s sad in a sense how people couldn’t control what they wanna say.

When a guy comment about inability of a girl to get hooked with a guy, when a girl comment about a guy’s inability to be useful, when parents says your sibling is better than you, when a boyfriend says his girlfriend is like a total stranger to him, when a best friend says s/he lost her/his trust to his/her best friend, when a leader get compared with previous leaders who done better, and so many others. These are some of the situations I’ve seen and heard of from friends (some I experienced myself) where words really do stab you in front of your face.

I’ve been reading some of my past post and I realised how I said I lost some best friends. It does hurt to think how much trust and respect you have for that person shatters in a matter of second just because they said something so hurtful and you can only stare in disbelief with a realisation why are you actually still friends with that damn person. Well, words can jab you in the face, but it can also mend those broken relationship. Yes. Because trust are built with words and action. I’m feeling contented with what I have now. I got my best friends around me, my friendship with certain people which was hanging by a thread before is now just plain better and the only issue I have with relationship is that I’m now single because I chose to end mine with truthful words.

If ever you said something so hurtful yet you intended it as a joke, the rightful thing to do is to APOLOGIZE. It may not make things better and the awkwardness will still be present but at least you make an effort to make it better right? When you get too comfortable with people, you tend to say what ever is on your mind but sometimes you stop thinking of how your words can hurt even your best friend because you are so used to being accepted by them. When things go wrong though, 1 word can break a lot of friendship to pieces. Believe me, you do not want to be in a position where you can’t even talk to your best friend when they’re around because now they feel what you are gonna say is all crap.

Haih. Sigup dulu. I’ll update with life soon.

Hillsong Unite + Conquer

The poster that announced the awesome news!

Upon first setting eyes on this poster, I knew I had to go and so I spread the news to everyone that I know would go. haha. I emailed my contact details to the organizer to try to get the wristband. and I got myself a code!

Fast Forward to yesterday,

Debbie asked me to get the car and I went to Tronoh with roomie to get some food and I had to rush back to campus after a long pause at the Shell station. bodo betul the tank tidak pandai mo isi. haih. Anyway. once I was back, i forgot about my concert codes. wtf. Had to check my emails about it again. Thankfully, my roomie pigi tulis the code on a piece of paper while i go freshen up. haha.

Ok so, concert time! oh btw, I drove to Ipoh on a dangerous gear stick. hahahaha.

At Syuen, we could see how many cars were already parked outside the Hotel. WE HAD to park way over a km kot. hahaha. Debbie was ehem complaining and Edgar was all about calories when we were walking towards the hotel. So, once there, we made our way upstairs and there were SO MANY people! met some familiar faces such as Daphnee and Berth and lined up to get our wrist band. Thankfully we did. haha.

Inside the hall. Holy shit. Many were inside already but we squeeze our way from the very back to the very mid and we were gonna try to squeeze to the middle area but too many people were already there so we settled on our spot and the Concert began!!

I’ll tell you the concert was so awesome that I could’ve not been so much happier to sacrificed my night just to Praise and Worship God. I knew most of the song by heart and was singing at the top of my lungs, was jumping around at the top of my feet and was Praising and Worshiping at the the deepest core of my heart.

I had never opened up wholly before to a Praise and Worship and what made it special last night was that I actually felt my whole body anointed by the Spirit and  I felt every move I made was so free that i was willing to do it without feeling shame and insecure. I even shed some tears when prayers were said throughout the concert. Some words did hit the nail right on the spot with me when I relate it with what I was going through in my life right now that I’m really an insecure person feeling pressured with fitting in, feeling pressured with relationship problems, feeling pressured with what people expect of me.

The pastor with his awesome stories and words

I heart hillsong for their songs are all about the meaning and especially the song You’ll Come and From the Inside Out, where I really shouted and reached out my hands out. I just didn’t care about what people around me thought of me. Even with some hot chix passing through me, squeezing through me and glancing across me, I felt more connected to God. Duh. hahaha.

These hillsong people may not be the ones you see on the videos on Youtube but they bring the same spirit and they are not at all pale in comparison with the original Hillsong. Awesome voice especially that Esther. Damn. I wish I was up there singing too.

Awesome Lights

I had to thank the great company I had last night that is Edgar, Debbie, Tracey and Romeo. Lompat2 macam orang pegi tengok concert Gaga saja.After the concert, met up with more people such as Moshey, Had, Mon, the juniors and some more. Took some pictures before exiting the hotel and went to Mcd for a supper. Ate too many I supposed at Mcd before driving back to UTP.

It was definitely an awesome night. I wish I could go again, but I just got too many things to finish up tonight. Haih. But it was good til it ended. 🙂

Definitely something I’ll consider to go again without much thinking next time around.

with the july 07 batch and the juniors. haha

inside the hall after it ended

this time with edgar. paling senior. wahahaha

And that’s it! Don’t you wish you were there?

Was posting this with Hillsong – You’ll Come in the background.

Pictures are credited to Edgar’s Facebook. hehe