I’m just gonna go straight to what I’ve been meaning to blog since I got back.
I’m telling you. I feel out of place before, back when I was still struggling for the damned final exam in UTP when I found out that my grandma have a tumor inside her throat.
When I got back barely a month ago, I saw my grandma lying on the bed, greeted her, embraced her.
Been visiting her often since then, feeling sad everytime I see her. Trying to fight that fucking disease. I feel obligated to try to do something for her, but what can I do, it’s not in my power. I’m sure the family are trying their darnest to find the cure.
It must be hard for her. Really hard, just recently, her voice started to go coarse and now it’s barely audible unless you stick your ears to her mouth. huhu. Her cough makes her voice deteriorate.
I do feel sorry for my grandma. I don’t intend to state what my grandma did said for the past few weeks about surviving here, let’s just keep it to myself until the time is right.
Just now, I think I realised that time is really not gonna be on her side soon. I feel so defeated when I see my grandma’s condition right now. So skinny, so tired, so in pain. Why her Lord? why my grandma? huhu. But just now, I saw a spark in her when I saw her smile when I made a joke in front of her. I feel that she’s still there trying to fight that disease.
I thought realistically, she must be tired of answering the same ol’ thing to all the relatives that come visit or check up on her. “Ingkuo ko no ma? avasi di topiumanan nu di baino?” (how are you ma? You feel better now?), “Nakaakan ko no ma?” (Have you eaten ma?), “Mundong bo ma” (Rest ba ma..). I think given the condition of her throat right now, it must’ve hard for her to answer all the people’s question. Must be tiring to sleep all day on the bed only to wake up to force herself to take the medication or to answer people.
God knows how much time left that she’s got. I’m not giving up my faith in the Lord that miracles can happen, but until we know for sure, I’m gonna try to make my grandma happy. I want her to smile, to laugh. I don’t like to see her lying sad in pain. They tried all the meds but have they tried making her laugh?
God, in this life journey, you make everyone see Your power through the little things in life. I leave it in Your hand oh Lord to provide us with a miracle because that’s the only thing we could do now. I pray that at least I can make my grandma happier than she is right now.
Protect her Lord, heal her. Cover her with Your blood.