Life after No recommendation.

So I kinda graduated last January, that is, I finished my final exams, and settled the clearance requirements for the graduation and convocation. My convocation ceremony is due this year, October. EXCITED!

Sooooooooo, January and October is pretty far apart. Almost a year, kan? After getting my final exam results last January, which I excelled ehem for the final sem, I had to wait for another 2 weeks for the xxx structured interview. And the waiting continues until that day. Called in around 4 times and got through to the person in charge. After giving my IC number, the woman told me “Hmmm. Encik Lorenzo, your SI results is here, and it says that you are NOT RECOMMENDED for xxx. So, you are free to look for employment opportunities out there and we will be in contact with you in the future about your bond.”

How did I feel? Devastated. I was kinda regretful that I didn’t have any back up plans or visions, just in case I did not get it. I guess my hopes were pumped too high by friends and other authorities that keeps reminding us that xxx needs more Sabahans. And the remarks “Confirm dapat lah” altogether raised my hopes.

It took quite a while for it to sink in, that I GOT TO START APPLYING FOR JOBS. I was enticed with the idea of reappealing xxx and I did it anyway, but of course, it is a rule that once you are not recommended, you are categorized into a kind of probational period where you can only reapply for another interview after a year or so.

I got a call from them nonetheless, for a chit chat session. So I searched online on novena for employments, and found one of Jose Maria. I did it for nine days, of course, to bless me to do well during the session, but you know what, details never came, no phone calls, no emails. When I tried calling back to the one who called to inform me about the chit chat, it always go through to the voice mail. How is that professional? Seriously, I was again, disappointed. People say it’s not meant to be, yeah I accept it, but I still do wanna voice out, if you wanna cancel the session, at least tell me. Don’t get my hopes up just to slam it back down. I canceled and reschedule some job interviews just because I was reserving it for that chit chat session date. It’s painful. It’s not okay, at least at that time.

But a few days before the supposed session,  I got a call from my uncle in Menggatal, saying that he need someone to create a database for his business, and to help his company with basic photo editing. So I said, why the hell not. I’m broke and I need a fresh start, and even if I got the job with xxx,  it would take probably 1 1/2 months for my applications to be reviewed and processed.

So yeah, I basically came to Sulaman every weekdays and start creating a database for my uncle. The pay is nothing much, but it pays nonetheless. Only Sabahans will know the distance between Penampang and Sulaman, and how many traffic lights intersections I have to drive through every day.

God really work in a mysterious ways, I firmly believe that now. Just a few days ago, I suddenly got a call from a company in Inanam where I applied  and interviewed for a programmer post. It was truthfully shocking because it was already a month after the interview, I thought my application was already discarded. The manager that called me said they are offering the post to me because they are deciding between me and another person. So I asked opinions from my parents, roomate and friends, oh and also my uncle who is my boss on this matter. I finally came to a decision of joining that company.

Just now, I signed the contract in joining the company. I asked the HR person about the other candidates that interviewed on the same day I did that day. She said one was not qualified and the other one had no feedback. I feel second best for a second, that they are only offering the job the me cuz the other one did not respond to their offer, but soon sense comes knocking back into my head, it’s rezeki for God sake. It’s meant to be. It’s a chance to prove myself.

I realized one thing about myself through all of this. I tend to overthink the things that are not even certain yet. I always think of the worst circumstances and I always doubt my abilities to perform. What I never cared to think of were on the best case scenarios, this is an opportunity of a lifetime and I am good at what I do, it’s just that there are people better than me and that’s where I’ll improve and I’ll be better.

I’ll start back at the bottom but who knows, I may have the best time of my life, doing what I love, (yeah. I frikin enjoy programming. haha) and I may just start my own company in the future. Who knows right?

So, to my fellow friends that are anticipating your SI or the results, please know that it’s really not the end. Lol. Cliche, I know. I also rolled my eyes inside my mind reading people’s support towards my not recommended status. But eventually, yeah, you’ll move on. You’ll realized how stupid you were thinking that it’s the end of the world. How much time was wasted sobbing for things in the past when you could’ve soared high already.

Seriously, the figure of pays may saddens me, cuz yeah, OnG company pays you very well , and I won’t taste that, ever? but I truly do believe that God has many things planned for me. Sure, luxury will come if I really work hard. It’s really a waste of time to compare myself with my friends who got recommended. I already stop beating myself up on why they got it and why I didn’t. It’s unhealthy for friendships and really, unhealthy for your mentals seriously!

Jangan jeles2, asal bahagia, asal halal di sisi agama, tiada halangan mau bahagia di masa hadapan. Kita bersyukur dengan pa kita ada.

And lastly, I’m super thankful that I got over this phase very quickly (this is quite quick. haha) because of the fact that I have friends who never looked down on me, and parents who supports me no matter what. And of course, the Lord Almighty.

Oh God, panjangnya post. hahaha not like anyone’s gonna read it anyway, but yeahhhh. finally got all these out. Cheers to the future!!